


Item Shenanigans

by Okami_no_fude



Series: Linked Universe oneshots [4]
Category: Linked Universe - Fandom, The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms
Genre: Humor, Introduction of various items from respective arsenal, Linked Universe (Legend of Zelda), Swearing, Switcharoo in chapter 1, attempt at crack
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-21
Updated: 2020-04-19
Packaged: 2020-07-09 18:55:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19892698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Okami_no_fude/pseuds/Okami_no_fude
Summary: Besides their swords, shields, bombs, hookshots, boomerangs, and magic rods, each of the heroes have more unique items that they have yet to introduce to the others.What is the item going to be?





	1. Dominion Rod

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to start a series about items that came from a discussion. This chapter is also for the weekly prompt in the LU discord: switching bodies.  
> This whole series may not be published in chronological order.
> 
> [Linked Universe](https://linkeduniverse.tumblr.com/) is by @jojo56830  
> Legend of Zelda is owned by Nintendo.

Twilight was not having the best of days.  
He was already sleep-deprived, having to listen to the annoying bickering of Legend’s and Warriors’ small “debates” on the most inane things, dealing with dispatching small fry on his own during patrols, and constantly having to look for Wild and Hyrule when they wander off.

Then this dungeon happened.

It seemed like an ordinary dungeon that all the heroes have experienced in going through and clearing.

Then the curse that this dungeon had activated with a bright, blinding light.  
It was a good thing that at this point everyone knew of the other’s main abilities.

Because the confusion and panic would have been worse if they had not known Four’s ability to split into four different versions of himself.

 _‘What the hell, why am I short?’_  
_‘Wait, why can I hear you in my head Warriors?_  
_‘What is going on? Why am I short and why can I hear you two in my head?!’_  
_‘...this is an interesting predicament…’_

It took a while for all of them to calm down and orientate themselves after everyone had switched bodies.  
It took even longer for Warriors, Time, Twilight, and Sky due to the fact all four of their mentality had been switched with the four different personalities that Four could split into.  
While Four was not split yet.  
After managing to split into four via Vio’s instruction who was in Warriors’ body (but not before being laughed at their uncoordinated movements) and a quick headcount, they managed to make out who switched with who.

Time switched with Green.  
Twilight switched with Red.  
Sky switched with Blue.  
Warriors switched with Vio.  
Wind switched with Hyrule.  
And Wild switched with Legend.

Dear goddesses, Wild having access to Legend’s things made him shudder.

It was also frustrating for Twilight to adjust his fighting style.  
He relied a lot on his raw strength to cut through monsters and beasts, so seeing that he was in Red’s body, the magic-user of the four sword users, he understood that he could not utilize his physical form in fights like he always did.

He also did not like using magic.  
The others also had to adjust to their sudden shortness or tallness, and the gear each of the heroes had. He had to make sure that Red, who he switched bodies with, do not go overboard with switching between forms.  
Both him and Legend who was in Wild’s body also had to keep an eye on Wild who was in Legend’s body from burning everything in sight with the fire rod.

Although he was tempted to do the same with the infernal annoyance that was this dungeon.

Besides the curse that made them switch forms, the dungeon was crawling with every small annoyance that they could think of: blade traps, beamos, skulltulas, keese, chu chus, armos, baby gohmas, and arachas. Which was extremely grating on his nerves to deal with.  
He could not even vent out his frustration in the way he always does. Through brute force with his sword he had.

He had to vent out his frustration somehow!

So when he spied a statue that looked extremely similar to the one he escorted in the Temple of Time during his first journey, he grinned rather widely and gave a deranged laugh, which sounded off and concerning when it was in Red’s voice.

“uhh, Re- I mean Twilight? You okay?” Wild asked. It also felt off to see Legend’s face have that expression.

Twilight knew it would work because he could feel the magic thrumming from the pack that he owned. “Red! Come over here and hand me my pack!” He ignored Wild’s concern. At this point, he did not care what the others thought.

“O-okay, here.”  
Twilight quickly snatched his adventure pack out of his body’s hands (and thought how weird it was to say that in the back of his mind) and started rummaging through the pack to find the item that he had not been using for a while.

“Ah ha!”

Off to the side, he heard Warriors gasp in Vio’s voice. “Wait that item looks familiar?!”  
A grin that looked extremely scary on Red’s face was seen as the person in control of the body stomped up to the statue with the hammer. Swinging the Dominion Rod toward the statue, a ball of light came out and connected with the statue, causing a bright light orb to appear in the hole of the statue’s chest.

The statue began to move in tandem with Twilight’s movement, getting off of the pedestal.  
After recalibrating the position so he would be behind the statue, Twilight, in Red’s body, yelled to the high heavens with a strange glint in his eyes.

“I’ve had **enough!** Whoever made this dungeon, I hope you don’t care for destroyed rooms, because your interior designs **suck!!!!** ”

He swung the dominion rod forward with reckless abandon, having the statue start smashing everything with its hammer in sight, from flimsy gates, blade traps, beamos, and the small creepy crawlers on the floor.

Madly cackling all the while.

————

“...I think this dungeon broke Twilight.”  
“So the dominion rod is from his time?”  
“You know the item?”  
“Yeah, my Zelda has it as one of her weapons.”  
“That item looks like fun to use!”  
“Of course you would say that Blue.”

While the others talked about what they had just witnessed, Wind who was switched with Hyrule put a hand under his chin and looked at the statue that was left.

_'Huh, I wonder if it would work with the Wind Waker?'_


	2. Masks of the Dead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Besides his Transformation Masks, Time has other masks that have unique effects as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this idea literally popped into my head and did not want to let go, so instead of Legend's item, I brought Time's item for this chapter. It's short but I think it's humorous enough

For the group of heroes, this was not a favorable situation they were in. They were once again exploring old ruins when suddenly the floor crumbled beneath their feet, exposing a deep cavern underneath.

The falling rocks had caused them to separate.

Time looked at his companions he was currently with. Legend had a slightly dazed look on him as he was helped up by Wind, who was cursing up a storm that could make anyone blush. While Time would have reprimanded the younger hero for his language, in this situation it was understandable. Being separated was not an ideal time for anyone, as it was dangerous not knowing where their comrades were.

Dusting off his armor and picking himself up, Time lent a hand toward Legend to help him up.

"Are you okay Legend? Any dizziness or nausea?" It didn't hurt to ask, because concussions were nasty business. 

Legend waved off his concern. "bah, I'm fine. Just a little jarred from the impact. I didn't hit my head or anything. I would ask you two the same, but seeing that you are standing fine old man, and judging by our sailor's rants," he stated, nodding his head toward said hero who was still swearing under his breath and picking up the stuff that fell out of his pocket, "I think we haven't suffered any severe injuries."

The eldest of the trio of heroes nodded at Legend's assessment. "True. Now, let's try to navigate this area so we can find the rest of our comrades."

As soon as Wind was finished, they navigated out of the collapsed room for them to appear in an old room with a bunch of traps and enemies that he realized as floormasters from Wind's time and wallmasters. 

"Fuck. This is gonna be _fun_."  
  


For the record, it was not what Time would have called 'fun' as there were a bunch of crawling bugs, and an enormous amount of wallmasters and floormasters which annoyed them greatly, as they knew if they were grabbed, they would be completely separated and far away from where they would need to go. It was more stressful than hard. 

Until they came to the next room.

Wind 's skin became a sheet of white as he starts hearing some of the noises. 

"Do you hear that, guys?" 

Time strained his ears to hear what the youngest hero had picked up. 

Creepy moaning.

Time heard Legend clicked his tongue. He must have figured out what the next room contained.

"Redeads," Wind whimpered slightly.

Time had his fair share of fighting redeads, and they were really not something he liked to fight. They just creeped him out immensely, and their high-pitched screams' annoying ability to petrify them in place was rather crippling to fight them as well.

Legend peeked over the hallway to see how many were in the room. "Shit, there are way too many for us to fight safely. Was there no other pathway?"

He shook his head. "There wasn't any Legend. It's been a one-way path so far."

Wind almost wailed out. "But that's like 8 redeads in such a small room! We are going to be locked under a petrification chain!" 

It seemed like Wind also had really bad experiences with Redeads judging by his reaction. But that was fair. Fighting even one redead by himself was difficult. But multiple ones in the same room? That was a nightmare.

But wait, wasn't there a situation where he went through in the past where there was a room full of redeads? In one of his journeys?

"Time, why are you smirking?"

The Hero of Time turned toward Legend who had asked the question.

"I think I have a way to bypass this place without us needing to pull a sword," he stated as he started rummaging through his adventure pouch that had his things from his second journey.

"What."

This time, he ignored the others as he looked for three specific masks that helped him in an unexpected but funny way.

The Garo's mask, the Gibdo mask, and the Captains' hat.

Both Legend and Wind gave him skeptical looks as he brought the items out. "While they are cool-looking Time, how in Hylia's name is it going to help us with those redeads ?!" Wind exclaimed.

Time gave the two skeptical heroes a rare, mischievous smile. "Just wear them and see what happens"

\---

"What the Fuck?"

"How are they moving so fast and elegantly?"

"Is that Redead doing the Kazotsky Kick? "

"Holy Shit that one is doing the ballerina twirl?!"

"Oh Hylia, I can't breath, I'm dying from laughter."

Time gave out a small chuckle as he watched in amusement as the two younger heroes crying out in disbelief at the sight in front of them as Time, Wind, and Legend walked in the room with the Captain's hat, the Gibdo mask, and the Garo's mask on respectively.

And all the Redeads started dancing, some doing insane moves.

It reminded him of his reaction the first time in Ikana valley and he had walked into the room full redeads with the Garo's mask on. 

Pure disbelief, followed by laughter. It was something he had sorely needed when he had been traveling through that depressing area.

_Snap!_

Time turned around to see Wind holding up his pictobox. 

"Oh come on, you can't blame me of taking a picture when I know the others are not gonna believe me if I just told them about dancing Redeads?!"

Time stared at the Hero of Winds for a long moment before he smacked his face into his palm. Why hadn't he thought of doing that before during his journey in Termina??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I found this video and it just made me want to crack up, and inspired me to write this one:  
> [Dancing Redeads Video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P8hcv-uUNDw)


	3. Pegasus Boots and Pegasus Seeds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Legend should have known better than to do that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I am so happy that electricity is back tonight (we had a major blackout due to the typhoon and we had no electricity at all for nearly 38 hours), so I went and did a spontaneous write! This chapter was inspired by Saaah on the LU Discord who gave me the idea about pegasus boots and their potential shenanigans that could occur, so thanks Saaah!

“A race?”

Wind nodded, looking at the two heroes. “I’ve seen you use the Pegasus boots you have Legend, and I’ve heard you have Pegasus boots as well, Four! So I was wondering which one of you can run faster with those shoes on!” The youngest hero explained quickly, excitement sparkling in his eyes at the prospect of seeing a competition between two heroes.

“That sounds like an interesting idea, seeing who is the one that had mastered the power of the Pegasus boots,” Four mused, a hand on his chin. “I’m game unless Legend is too cucco to be shown as less talented in the usage of the boots...?” The shortest hero side-eyed Legend, challenging him with a smirk.

His eye twitched. How dare...!

“Oh, you are on Four!”

\---

The rules were simple: the two had to run to the big tree they could see in the far distance, go around it and then race back to the mountainside where Wind was waiting so he could judge who came first. They both agreed it was fair. 

It started out just fine, the two heroes were neck-to-neck.

Until they had reached the tree. 

Legend was expecting Four to slow down in order to go around the tree like he needed to do, but to his utter surprise, his opponent did not. Instead, he managed to maintain speed while changing trajectory, going around the tree and headed back towards the finish line where Wind was waiting. 

He had been left behind by a quite a margin by the time he managed to shake off his surprise and activated the Pegasus boots again

for the route back. Ahead of him, Legend could see Four sparing a glance back at him, a smug look etched on his face.

Legend growled a little. He refused to be beaten by that little gremlin who he barely has seen using his own Pegasus boots. He needed to catch up somehow!

Wait. He had something else that could boost his speed.

While making his dash, he reached inside his pouch for a satchel; more specifically a specific seed.

A green seed that looked like the wings he had on his boots. 

The pegasus seeds. 

While he has never tried to use this speed-boosting seed with the Pegasus boots activated before, he was sure it would double his speed for a brief moment, allowing him to catch up or even overtake Four. It shouldn’t hurt to use it.

Without hesitation, he used it on himself.

With a sudden burst of speed even Legend himself wasn’t expecting, he zoomed forward with high speeds, the scenery blurring even more as he dashed through the field. He soon raced passed a multicolored blur that he assumed was Four, but he had no time to celebrate his success at overtaking the smaller hero. 

He couldn’t control his speed at all.

Legend hastily tried to dig his heels into the ground to stop himself, but the momentum of his speed that was caused by the Pegasus seed was far greater than he anticipated, causing him to zoom past a blurry blue object. 

Wind. 

Who had been situated near a mountainside.

“FU-“

\---

Four was not expecting the gust of wind from his side, not the blur of red and blue that appeared right before. Legend had somehow managed to get a sudden burst of speed and dashed right past him. But he could see whatever Legend had done, was a bad idea. He came to a stop as soon as he arrived where Wind was, who wasn’t even paying attention to Four. 

He couldn’t blame him.

Four stared at the mountainside with disbelief, then began to cover his mouth with his hand, sniggering. Eventually, he couldn’t hold it in any longer and burst out laughing, soon joined by Wind at the sight in front of him. 

Instead of a twitching, crumpled Legend that he was expecting, merged on the brown mountainside there was a twitching _painting of Legend_ _,_ accurate down to his pink sidelock and all.

“Wow, this is really the case of ‘slow and steady wins the race’” Wind choked out between laughter.

_Slow and steady indeed_ _,_ Four thought with mirth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know in MInish Cap and Four Swords adventures you can only slightly change the trajectory while using the pegasus boots, but let's think that Four had improved and now can run curves, alright?


	4. Bottles and Bug Nets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ridiculousness of some of the Link's items continues to shine.  
> Alternative title: Anything but a sword

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally got the motivation and the humor to write a new addition to this series. I had this idea for a while, but I could not for the life of me get a good ending.  
> Until I saw a fact about this particular item throughout the Zelda series which made me laugh at the hilarity of it.

Warriors’ world was just a confusing mishmash of enemies from various eras and timelines, and it was not fun at all.

Especially when you incorporate the fact that the big bosses the heroes from various times fought somehow appears in front of them to fight. 

Seriously, even though Warriors reassured them it was an inferior copy, Sky thought he was going to have a heart attack the first time he saw the infernal annoyance that was the black, scaly, and faceless version of the enemy that he had sealed.

So when the four of them: Warriors, Wind, Legend, and Sky were accosted by a major boss enemy from one of their worlds that invaded Warriors' Hyrule, well, you could imagine the panicked yells one of their members gave the Captain.

“Why did you not tell me that  _ Phantom Ganon of all things _ had a chance to be in your Hyrule?!”   
“I thought you knew this Sailor!”   
“I knew you fought Phantom Ganon from Tetra, but you guys defeated it, didn’t you?!”   
“They can be summoned, alright! Who knows when and where they would appear!”   
“Screw your world!”   
  


At least they still got into combat positions even while bickering.

\---

With Warriors' clear instructions on what to expect from the ghostly enemy and how to counter the moves, they got down to business. 

The warping and cloning were annoying abilities, but they could deal with it. Surprise attacks? It was still expected, with how the enemy was telegraphing them. 

They managed to get a good bunch of hits, but that was when something happened.

"Guys, get back, dodge, or block! It's gonna spin!"

And spin it did.

With such speed he wasn't expecting, the phantom raised the 2 swords and started rapidly spinning like a tornado.

Sky quickly executed a backflip and hightailed out of the reach of the deadly whirlwind. He hoped the others did the same.

_ Clang! _

"argh!"

Of course, he jinxed himself.

  
  


Quickly looking back, Sky felt his eyes widen.

Wind's phantom sword was flung off to the side, near where Legend had escaped to. 

The Sailor had no sword.

The huge phantom who had stopped spinning had let out a creepy laugh as it gathered magic in its hands, before sending it out toward the youngest hero.

Wind was without a sword, and the balls of magic energy were heading straight towards him. 

  
Sky was panicking that he wouldn't make in time to reflect the energy balls when something outlandish happened. 

"Fuck it all!" the sailor cursed before he whipped something out of his pouch.

An empty bottle, of all things, was in Wind's hand.

With a worrisome grin on his face, Wind swung down the bottle.

And _somehow_ he _swatted back_ the massive ball of crackling magic like it was a batting game.

Thus a volley of death tennis began; one contestant using a giant black sword and the other a tiny glass bottle (how in Hylia's name is it not cracking?).    
  


One had to give in eventually though. 

And that one was the server of this particular round of this deadly tennis match. 

  
  
"Ha! In your face!" Wind whooped as he put his empty bottle away and ran for his sword. 

Warriors was spluttering, sword forgotten by his side as he stared at Wind who was taunting. 

"Wh-what?! You reflected magic with a goddess-damn  _ empty bottle _ of all things!  _ How?! _ "

The little sailor was smiling rather smugly. "Because I know I can."

"That's not an answer-"

"Also, humiliating someone by defeating them with ridiculous items is satisfying and it alleviates the annoyance you have when you are Done™️ with everything."

Well, if you were asking him, Sky was almost at  _ his  _ threshold of dealing with this kind of ridiculousness. 

“I’ll one-up that kind of ridiculousness, Wind.”    
Legend spoke up, a feral grin on his face as he stared at the now-recovering Phantom Ganon who they honestly had forgotten about in the face of this weirdness. 

"Hey, blue prick! Were you so blind that you couldn't volley back that slow-moving magic ball that _y_ _ ou _ threw out!?" the sassy veteran hero taunted, most likely to get its' ire onto him. 

And that he did. 

The phantom let out a huge, spectral roar as it raised its sword to gather multiple red and black energy projectiles. 

They were all launched out toward the cap-wearing hero. 

Just to be launched back at the sender.

By a  _ freaking  _ _ bug net _ . 

  
  


The three heroes left could only watch flabbergasted as Legend proceeded to wack the hell out of the specter with a blue  bug net  and somehow giving it critical damage. 

With just a few more swipes from the item normally for leisure purposes, the phantom just crumpled to the ground with an agonized cry, before poofing out of existence. 

"Peace out, you oversized bugger!" Legend crowed.

  
Excuse his language, but  _ what the fuck? _

  
Did Legend just reflect all the magic energy balls back at the phantom, and then proceed to wack it to death with a blue  _ bug net??? _

  
  


"....holy Farore. Legend, just what is that bug net made out of?"

The veteran just shrugged as he put the weapon (?) away back into his pouch. "I don't know. I got it as a reward for clearing the Treacherous tower twice back in Lorule. They just told me it was 'eight times the attack power of my old net' and I tested it out during my journey on a whim. " 

Sky couldn't hear what Legend mumbled afterward, but he didn't really care. 

Could he have done something similar when he had fought Demise? 

  
  


...He wasn't sure if he wanted to back to Lanayru to do the Lightning Round and test it out.

Omake: 

  
Legend could only shrug and say he didn't know as Wind asked the question about what his bug net was made out of.   
Under his breath, he added, "Somehow the net was just as powerful as Master Sword powered up twice." 

He did not want Sky's ire on him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [This video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Th7H1GN8ybo) gave me the information, and the motivation for me to write this idea I had for ages and yet never written.


End file.
